Truly bizarre: Strange tales of Akron in Weekly World News

Strange things happen in Akron. If you don’t believe us, maybe you’ll believe the Weekly World News.

The supermarket tabloid, which enthralled shoppers with sensational headlines about Elvis sightings, alien invasions and Bigfoot weddings, entertained readers from 1979 to 2007 before rising from the dead in 2009 as an online publication.

Vintage photos:Remember Akron television? Memorable personalities from WAKR-TV, WAKC-TV

No tale was too tall. No claim was too wild.

During its original run, the Weekly World News published several bizarre articles with links to Akron and neighboring cities.

Why us? Why not!

Just in time for April Fools’ Day, we offer a compilation of Akron oddities. For the record, some of these events truly did occur. And some of them … um … cannot be independently verified.

You decide which is which.

Bat Boy on the loose!

Who could forget the weird tale of Bat Boy? The half-human, half-bat, purportedly discovered in a West Virginia cave in 1992, had a series of thrilling adventures, including escaping from a medical lab, riding the New York subway and going to war in Iraq. 

Eventually, he wreaked havoc in Ohio.

“Bat Boy steals car and goes on three state joy ride!” the headline screamed Jan. 14, 2003.

“Bat Boy, the world’s favorite winged freak, went on an incredible death-defying joyride through Michigan, Indiana and Ohio after carjacking a brand new Mini Cooper — and is still on the lam somewhere in America!” correspondent Wayne Diaz warned.

The tabloid noted: ”Police say they are looking for a red Mini Cooper, last seen around Akron.”

“That little speed demon was heading east on Interstate 80,” a police spokesman was quoted as saying. “We urge all motorists to be on the lookout for this car, and to notify authorities if they see a Mini Cooper driven by a bat-like creature.”

Let’s do the time warp

An Akron man witnessed a biblical miracle during a trip to Egypt.

“Scores of stunned visitors to the Holy Land watched in amazement as the ghostly figure of Moses appeared, waved his hand and parted the Red Sea waters — just days ago!” correspondent Kevin Creed wrote May 24, 1994.

A gray-bearded man, flanked by thousands of people, created a safe passage to Israel.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” says Morton Cravell, 35, of Akron. “I was just standing there with my tour group. We had come to see the Gulf of Suez — the area of the Red Sea where Moses parted the waters more than 3,000 years ago. Suddenly I felt myself slipping into another dimension.”

The epic vision lasted five minutes.

Experts theorized the tourists had experienced a partial time warp.

Frosty the snow gal

Kent police fielded a complaint about an indecent snowman. Actually, it was a snowwoman.

“Crystal Lynn of Kent wanted her snow figure to be anatomically correct, so she added two breasts,” correspondent Bobbie Bender wrote May 6, 2003. “When a neighbor complained about the icy mammaries, cops came and asked Crystal to remove them.”

Instead of altering her curvy creation, she draped it in a purple tablecloth.

“She looked really good, like she was getting ready to go to a party,” Lynn said.

What’s new at the zoo?

Genetic mutations can be a pain in the neck.

Ohio zoologist Rachel Gibbon discovered two giraffes with 20-foot necks during a safari in Kenya, correspondent Nick Stubbs reported Dec. 9, 2005. Normally, their necks are 6 feet long.

“When they walked, they had to move backwards and drag their poor heads through the dirt,” Gibbon said. “Drinking was awful for them. They had to pull their heads into a pond or river, then step out again.”

The Kenyan government granted permission for the giraffes to live at the Akron Zoo, where they were named Biggy and Ziggy and drew large crowds.

“With the proper encouragement and training, we believe that one day soon they will be able to lift their heads high — literally!” Gibbon said.

Not to be outdone, the Canton Zoo acquired two all-white zebras to boost attendance.

“Zoologist Stan Shammy denies they are actually a pair of Arabian horses,” Stubbs wrote.

Don’t move a muscle

This is why you have to read the label on prescription medicines.

“Man gulps bottle of sex pills and turns stiff as a board!” the headline blared Jan. 17, 2005.

“Bone-headed Steven Gleason gulped an entire bottle of sex pills which besides making him ready for love ’round-the-clock — also froze his entire body stiff as a board from head to toe,” correspondent Bruce Nichols reported.

His ex-wife, Thelma, a dental hygienist from Akron, volunteered to care for the 38-year-old man and feed him soup and pureed food.

His friends cried foul, though, when she began “using him as a coat rack and as a party game where she and her friends play spin the bottle — by twirling him like a top.”

At one party, they had the gall to stand him up “for a ring toss game.”

Havana good time

The “world’s wackiest psychics” offered some unusual predictions for 2002 and beyond.

According to correspondent Nathan Licozza, the tabloid oracles foretold that a Philadelphia homeless man would discover an original copy of the Declaration of Independence, a unicycling serial killer would terrorize London and Americans would elect singer Barbara Streisand as the first woman president.

And then there was this item: “Americans and Cubans are shocked to learn commie kingpin Fidel Castro has been living incognito in a nice apartment in Akron, Ohio, since 1999 while a double fronted for him in Havana.”

Call off the dogs

Poor George Meekeran. Dogs couldn’t resist the urge to tinkle on him — and scientists were baffled.

“Meet the human fire hydrant!” the headline blared July 4, 2000.

In an article datelined Akron, correspondent Kevin Creed wrote: “Experts can’t figure out what it is about George Meekeran that gives dogs the irresistible urge to pee on him!

“For reasons not completely clear, pooches treat the 34-year-old office supply store manager like a human fire hydrant, coming from everywhere to lift their legs and urinate on him.”

Meekeran, who was tired of staying indoors, explained that his problem started a year earlier when he got asthma shots.

“On my way home from the doctor, I noticed a little cocker spaniel was following me. Then a German shepherd. Then a poodle. Soon there were 11 dogs behind me.”

You can guess the rest.

Stuck on you

Speaking of fire hydrants, it’s never a good idea to lick them. Especially at winter.

The Weekly World News reported April 27, 1993, that Akron paramedics had to rescue a 6-year-old boy after playmates dared him to lick an iron fireplug in 6-degree weather.

His tongue froze to the hydrant — just like the flagpole scene in “A Christmas Story,” which the kids had seen on television.

Stuck. Stuck! STUCK!!!

Bystanders poured water on his tongue, but that just made it worse.

“He couldn’t really talk when we got there,” paramedic Doug Fela said. “But he was crying pretty good.”

Rescuers used a special saltwater solution to free the boy.

Bet he never did that again.

A winner in the long run

An Akron woman ran a 26-mile marathon by mistake.

Georgene Johnson, 42, had planned to participate in the 10-kilometer race — 6.2 miles — during a Cleveland marathon.

She lined up with runners at 8:30 a.m. and took off at the starter’s gun. However, her event wasn’t due for another 15 minutes.

Johnson realized her mistake after 4 miles, correspondent Karen Paulin reported July 10, 1990.

“I felt so dumb that I just stood there and cried,” Johnson said. “I thought about stopping, but right in front of me there was a man running and on the back of his shirt it had a saying, ‘Just do it.’ ”

She finished the race in four hours and four minutes, which was good enough for 83rd place in the women’s division.

Hail to the ghost

President Ronald Reagan’s public service didn’t end with his death at age 93.

“Reagan’s ghost saving lives all over U.S.,” the headline read July 12, 2004.

“Ronald Reagan died just weeks ago but his kind and benevolent spirit is already back on earth helping people in need,” the Weekly World News reported.

Reporter Phillip Kennerling credited the president’s ghost with performing such heroic acts as breaking the fall of a plummeting skydiver, rescuing a toddler from a swimming pool and freeing a trucker from a fiery wreck.

Some feats were more subtle.

“He helped me get a job after I was laid off by putting in a good word for me with my new boss,” said Justin Calling, 33, of Akron.

Let’s see some ID, kid

A Cuyahoga Falls grocery store sold alcohol to a minor.

Neither one was happy about it.

“Ryan Cope, 11, got the surprise of his life when he punched open a can of grape soda, took a big swig and choked — on beer,” the Weekly World News noted Aug. 18, 1981.

The manager didn’t know why the mismarked can was on a shelf. 

The kid received a full refund for the foamy mishap.

“It had a head on it,” Ryan said. “I’ve tasted beer, and I knew what it was. I don’t like beer.”

Tempest in a teacup

There’s nothing like a long, relaxing bath. 

A Medina woman was so petite that she took midday soaks in a cup of lukewarm tea.

“Though both her parents are normal-sized, Cindy Pathe’s birth weight was an unimaginable two grams,” correspondent Paul Kupperberg reported April 30, 2007.

She was featured in the tabloid’s “Freaks, Geeks and Weirdos!” edition.

“Now I tip the postage scales at over two-and-one-half ounces,” Pathe reportedly said. “But boy howdy — if I’m ever going to shed some of these grams, I’d better stop adding sugar to my tea.”

Mark J. Price can be reached at mprice@thebeaconjournal.com.

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