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242 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2005
‘No doubt because of the coyote, I was hating people more than usual as I drove into town. I drove past the Wal-Mart that I refused to enter, past the McDonald’s that I refused to enter and past the church—.’
‘The horse isn’t supposed to make decisions—The second thing is that the rider is supposed to make decisions. If the horse gets ahead of you, you might get left behind. That’s the old saying. So, you’ve got to redirect the animal, break the routine, ride him between some bushes for no apparent reason.’
‘I’d read how people could damage the surfaces with oils from their skin. I listened to the quiet, interrupted only by the steady, random drips—from the mountain above and left infinitesimal amounts of calcium carbonate to make and lengthen the stalactites. I decided I was a trogloxene, a creature that lives outside the cave, but returns frequently.’
‘One was—about six feet, the other a little taller and in the taller man I could see Howard’s eyes and cheekbones. They wore jeans, new Western boots and short-sleeved shirts—not so differently dressed from others in town. They were healthy looking and strong enough, but their postures said they weren’t ranch men. They walked like nothing really hurt.’
‘As I rode the horse—I considered the fact that I didn’t have many wrecks left in my old body. I felt a wave of fear and then I felt the horse respond, felt the big muscles tense. I let my body melt and immediately the horse relaxed. I tightened my muscles on purpose and got no reaction. I tried to think back to what I was thinking just before Felony had blown up. I’d had an unpleasant memory—I didn’t really know, but I’d had something bad go through my mind. I couldn’t believe that the horse had sensed it. I thought about—Nothing. I thought about calling—Nothing. I thought about—Felony tightened—I had to train this horse to tolerate the troubling thoughts of his rider. This was too much.’
“How are you?” I asked.
David barked out a laugh.
“That’s what I say,” Gus said.
‘Pamela reached over and held Howard’s hand. I studied the man. He had been a friend for a long time and in all that time I was always confused about why he was my friend. We had little in common, aesthetically, socially or politically, and we’d never run in the same circles. Still, I had been the best man at his wedding and I was called the godfather of his son, though there was never any official church business. Susie had always flat-out hated him. Right at that second I was finding him somewhat objectionable and it made me feel bad about myself.’
‘At the table we sat in a painful stew of silence. The elk stew and the potato pancakes and the asparagus might have been as delicious as it all looked, but I could not taste any of it. I was worried about David and about what Howard might say and about what Howard would say and about what Gus might say as he watched Pamela lean her breasts over the table as she reached for the bread.’
‘I don’t think there’s a better feeling in the world than having a big, scared animal relax around you. I untied him—.’
“We had a fight, an argument, like I said, and he ran out in the snow and nearly froze to death. He was drunk and I was drunk and, yes, it was my fucking fault.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked away.
‘I didn’t say anything at first and then I thought that my silence might alarm Morgan more. “This thing, whatever it is, is probably just sticking up through her soft palate. Shouldn’t be a problem.” Of course I didn’t know that at all. The horse began doing what horses do and that was chewing. At least she was trying to chew; the coil of metal of the speculum was in her way. But she was chewing enough that she was catching my knuckles. It hurt like hell, but I had to get the thing out. I couldn’t let this crush Morgan. Instead, my hand was getting crushed. I grabbed the object and it poked me; it had thorns. I didn’t pull back. I was in there now. I grabbed it, a thorn piercing my thumb, and I worked it free and slowly pulled it out. I held it out for Morgan to see. It was a four-inch-long wishbone of a rose twig.
“That’s it?” she said.’
“Every time I come up here and look at that I know my place in the world. It’s okay to love something bigger than yourself without fearing it. Anything worth loving is bigger than we are anyway.”
“That sounds almost religious,” David said.
It's pretty awful, though. You know, people are just animals anymore.
No, they're people. That's the problem.