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An orgy is the perfect sex move for someone with a short attention span. “Oh, look, a random ball sack in my face! Someone’s sucking my nipple! It’s all happening!”
While classically considered to be group sex with several partners in somewhat of a party-like scenario, according to Dr. Katherine Frank, author of Plays Well in Groups: A Journey Through the World of Group Sex, the word “orgy” insinuates more than just group sex. It hints at something a bit out of control, wild, and over the top. Picture the insane Greek and Roman sex parties that would last for days, where people only paused penetration to eat and sleep.
But modern group sex isn’t just pure carnal chaos; there is actually a lot of prep involved. Picture planning an elaborate birthday party but with way more dental dams. “The fact is, even at the most spontaneous sex parties, there can be a lot of rules,” says Dr. Frank. “People aren’t just having sex with anyone there. There are rules about how you ask people, how you disengage, who you can have sex with, what kind of sex you can have.”
How To:
Want to get groped in a group but don’t know how? That’s what the internet’s for! It’s worth exploring the BDSM community in particular, which tends to have the hookups when it comes to interesting hookups. Use Google or Yelp to find a local dungeon near you, and see if they have any events or mixers.
There’s also the premier kink website Fet Life (short for Fetish Life). It’s probably the most reliable and diverse online community for kinks, fetishes, and possibly orgies (you need to subscribe and become a member to explore the site).
The most important thing is that no matter how you find your group sex community, be smart and safe. Feel free to meet in person with whoever organizes the event in advance to make sure they feel trustworthy and safe. Get as much information as you need before committing to an orgy: rules, safe words, condom-use, etc.
Because an orgy can be a potentially dangerous event if you’re not prepared, there are strict rules to keep everyone feeling safe and supported. Getting verbal consent before engaging in any sex acts, using protection, and coming up with safe words are all part of the process.
On a recent episode of the Cosmo Happy Hour podcast, the editors discussed real-world sex party tips along with guests relationship expert Dr. Jess O’Reilly and a Burning Man Orgy Dome veteran. Since a sex party often involves a lot of people having sex in an enclosed space, many of the same procedures apply to orgies. A couple points on orgy etiquette:
Consent is key. You need to make sure to get clear verbal consent before each and every sex act. Can’t say it too many times.
It’s not always as easy to get in the sex mix as you think. A lot of people at sex parties just end up hooking up with whoever they came with. Be patient and don’t feel bad if you aren’t instantly the star of the cuddle-puddle.
At sex parties and orgies, as in life, rejection happens. Be gracious! Dr. Jess O’Reilly says that people at a sex party aren’t “going to come up and just dive right in. They’ll actually say, ‘Can we join you? Or ‘Are you guys looking for company?’ and they take rejection really surprisingly well.” Can sex party rules apply to Tinder, please?
Variations:
While play parties and kink scenes can provide entrees into #OrgyLife, you can also start one among friends and people you know simply by asking if they’re into the idea. Just be prepared for some awkward conversations and fully acknowledge that your friendships might change after being in a giant, naked heap on top of each other.
Related Terms:
Orgies in Popular Culture:
The movie most well-known for its orgy scenes is probably Eyes Wide Shut, the erotic thriller by Stanley Kubrick. Featuring decadent scenes of masked men and women having kinky group sex all over a gothic mansion, it’s great for watching alone with your vibrator or with someone you’re planning to hump. Definitely not fun for the whole family.
If you want to see a Coachella-size group of people let down their hair and hump, though, check out this clip from the movie Perfume. Kind of like the Orgy Dome at Burning Man, except more peasant outfits and fewer white people wearing cargo shorts and dreads.
